Strange Parade: A Look-See at the Laker Girls

Casual followers of NBA cheerleading might presume that the Laker Girls would be very hot babes. And they would be very wrong. Why – oh, why? Well, if you think about it for a moment, you'll realize that Los Angeles has too many entertainment superhighways, siphoning talent traffic off in all directions, and that dancing for the Lakers may be the equivalent of being lost down a sad show biz cul-de-sac. It sure looks like a dead-end. Which is a pity; there are young women in L.A. with absolutely no skills at all, like Kristin and LC from MTV's Laguna Beach, who have far better careers going than all of the Laker Girls, who can presumably dance, combined. But of course, the spoiled Laguna Beachers are superior specimens of beauty – as are most women working in porn these days, believe it or not. Unnattractiveness does not draw entertainment "heat"; heck, even their own employers seem hugely disinterested in them. The Laker Girls bios are cursory, certainly, but their group shot is more telling: in a town whose industry is images, you get this, a shot that an alcoholic Sears baby photographer could best. Because most drunken baby photographers wouldn't station themselves an 1/8th of a mile away from their subjects, no matter how hideous, for one. For two, a soused Sears photographer still has a way with a prop and a costume. What's that orange dot back there, a basketball? Man. Simply pathetic.

1) Carissa is my number one, only because I had to start somewhere, with somebody.

2) Tiffany F.

3) Danielle

4) Shelby

5) Shea

6) Katherine lists "Baking" as one of her Hobbies/Interests. So we gather, Kathy. You're really pushing those cupcakes!

7) Kristin

8) Jahnel – sister of Kal-El? – majored in Dance and minored in Philosophy!

9) Nancy

10) Crystal is a full time massage therapist.

11) Lindsey

12) Jenna

13) Alison

14) Lynisha

15) Brittany

16) Becky

17) Angela needs to get her hair in line. Hey, wow, she's sitting on a folding chair. What a lucky little lady in the City of Lights.

18) Tiffany D.

19) Jessica
- Champagne