Keith Van Horn needs nicknames. The suggestion box is open!
Send yours to Joe or Champagne.

I'd like to throw out a couple of Van Horn nicknames –
"THE UTAH MONUMENT" and "CLUTCH 44."
- Joss, March 27, 2001

Keith V. Damned
Bored Van Horn
- Captain Jay, April 2, 2001

David, Joss & Captain Jay -
Those are starts. Joss: you might have a career creating soft-core porn aliases for Keith's "Boogie Nights" decline. Jay: thanks for inspiring our new "Keith Van Damage" entry. Check out Joe and Champy's efforts so far:

Sideshow Keith - For when "bad Keith" steps out of bounds with his giant floppy feet.
Camper Van Horn -Tweet! That ain't the birdies in the trees, Keith. That's a whistle. Get out of the grassy lane!
Campfire Keith - Toasted defensively, again and again. Can't have just one!
Jet Puff Van Horn - What's the point of being a sports fan if you can't find arcane ways to call larger, stronger men, who are limitlessly more talented than your fat ass ever was or will be, soft? A reference to the popular marshmellow brand.
The White Tornado - When "good Keith" rips through the paint with a spin move. Rare as an albino whale.
Keith Van Clutch - More "good Keith." Where did this one go?
Slappy - Exhausted, foul-prone Keith, tripping all over himself.
Keith Van Crumble - Unbendable, unposable, highly breakable Keith. Serve with milk chilled in rubber ice packs.
Casper the Friendly Forward - Transparent moves, non-threatening to defenses, has tendency to turn invisible for large stretches of games.
Keith Van Damage - Double-faced "Janus" Keith. For when action hero "good Keith" hard-targets the competition, and more likely, when "bad Keith" breaks a body part.
VH1 - Bland, MOR, dependably dull and mature Keith, lacking in fire and enthusiasm, pouting and "Oh, man!"-ing at the most.
VH2 - Papa Keith's first sireling, often seen in the stands.
Women and Children First - Keith's second child.
Fair Warning - Keith's third bambino.

So come on, show us what you've got. Keep those nicknames coming! Email Joe or Champagne. Addresses: joe@joenetsfan.com, champagne@joenetsfan.com
- Champagne

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