"We are human beings, and we dream." - Juan Ignacio "Pepe" Sanchez, September 4, 2002
Who is Champagne? A man who believes his day will come, when the Nets land that 7 1/2 foot, 350 pound Big Man of his dreams – the one with the baseline shake of Hakeem, the outside shot of Ming, the banker of Duncan, and the "Kazam!" of Shaq. Yes, I'm a grown man with a Cinderella Complex...and it’s getting harder and harder to kiss all these toads:
Yinka Dare: I was drunk all the time.
Shawn Bradley: Bad in the sack.
Gheorghe Muresan: A simple case of date-rape.
Eric Montross: He was ugly so I did him! I can't explain my whims.
Rony Seikaly: We broke up when he wanted to move in. Stalked me until Rod Thorn intervened.
Evan Eschmeyer, Jim McIlvaine, Vladimir Stepania, Somaila Samake, et al: Gang bangs aren't my forte.
Todd MacCulloch: The heartbreak of plantar fasciaitis. I'm not a nurse!
Dikembe Mutombo: The Zairean Daddy Figure I've always needed?
Alonzo Mourning: Flirted before he got so sick he needed a new kidney. Story of my life! But he could make a stunning return.
Yes, one day, by proxy, I'll wear that chunky jewelry...that symbol of manly excellence...the NBA Ring of Champions!
February 4, 2004
Power 'N Motion Photos!
Finally! New photos of Power 'N Motion are online. Here's how Champagne ranks this year's squad:
1) Keltie - The name must trigger some sort of atavistic urge in the quarter Irish Champy. Wait a second...could "Keltie" be a pseudonym?!
1) Tricia - The 'Pagne can't resist this kind of smoldering, cat-eyed brunette. The Veronica to Keltie's Betty. Can't they both be #1 in his heart?
3) Candy - Another case of "Name Over Knowledge." Don't know who she is, but damn, a "Candy" can't come in at less than #5.
4) Tobi Ann - A troop-supporting blonde with brains. Fits the blonde, troop-supporting nitwit Champy to a T!
5) Nicole - Appeared in the Nutcracker, but Champagne doesn't hold that against her.
6) Kathleen - "True" redheaded Irish lass, not like that Nordic-looking "Keltie." Only fell to #6 because Champagne can't handle that much sass.
7) Kesha - Kesha was born to cheer. And Champy likes cheerfulness in his dance squad members. His predilection for blondes with big hair (he came of age in the mid 1980s) is the only reason she ranks in the middle, and not up top.
8) Candice - Fourth Season on squad?! Where have I been? Hi!
9) Angelique - Her interest in the possibly doomed sport of lacrosse meets Champagne's obsession with a team doomed to move out of New Jersey.
10) Leta - Appeared in a "Bollywood style" workout video. Has great abdominals. Crime she appears at #10, but we can't all be winners.
11) Tara - That she's into ballet is a plus; that she's into Alternative medicines is a minus (for Champy, who is a big supporter of our Nonalternative medical profession – the people that brought us aspirin, Prozac, and anesthesia...not St. Whatever Wort). The chiaroscuro gym lighting lends Tara a sinister mien.
12) Michelle - South Jersey girl, seems "no nonsense." Another one I like a lot and am sad to see lingering in the double-digits.
13) Liz - 'T'sup, Liz? Baby, I got no beef with you. But you better BRING IT in year deuce of your P'NM membership!
14) Sonni - Failed to show up for the group photo. Was a child actress. Is "currently singing back-up for the musical group 'Kindred The Family Soul'." Strike, strike, strike!
October 5, 2002
Champagne Reviews the Previews 2002 – Part 1
Who's for us and who's against us? Champagne finds out when he reviews four 2002 NBA Preview publications: Athlon Sports Pro Basetball, Basketball News, The Sporting News Pro Basketball, and Street & Smith's Pro 2002 - 03 Basketball Yearbook...Read on...
May 24 , 2002
Champagne's Pre-Pretty-Big Game Stress Reduction Regime
Games 3 and 4 in the Nets' Eastern Conference Final versus Boston, in Boston, aren't precisely "do-or-die," but they are about as close to "do-or-die" as you can get...and Champagne is high-strung. Here, he dares reveal his coping regime...Read on...
April 29, 2002
Champagne Goes To Indiana
Champagne journeys to Indianapolis, IN to meet up with "Friend of The Site" Terry Gratuity for a critical Nets/Pacers Round 1 Game 3 playoff game. They plaster Conseco Fieldhouse with Joe stickers, meet Ian Eagle, pester Mrs. Aaron Williams, and by god, witness nothing less than the first glimmers of Nets fandom's new dawn...An prophetic epic in nine glorious stanzas...
Brain Bubbles
His occasional pieces of disconnected sports-related thought-bites designed to knock the likes of Mike Lupica on their asses. Every flimsy musing guaranteed precious, if only to Champagne.
#4 Reasons to Celebrate – Part 2 - October 23, 2001
Five more reasons, largely for the Netsfan, to celebrate the new NBA season.
#3 Reasons to Celebrate – Part 1 - October 22, 2001
Charles Barkley stays away from the game.
#2 The Boys from Bristol - July 23, 2001
Champagne explains why ESPN anchors always come in pairs. Plus, a Marv Albert homage.
#1 Baseball and Gay Porn Go Well Together - July 2, 2001
Musings inspired by Mike Piazza's dye-job.
Book Cellar
The foundation to the pointed insanity of his Brain Bubbles. Champagne descends into his musty stacks in order to lift up you, the wretched Netsfan.
#1 Two books with (not so) dearly departed Nets in them, brought to your attention: The Last Shot by Darcy Frey gives insights into the making of Marbury, and Black Planet by David Shields includes bits about Derrick Coleman, Benoit Benjamin, and Kendall Gill's depressing '94-'95 season with the Sonics. - August 12, 2001
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